Weird Weekend – Surgery And Spirituality

 

I had surgery, a hysterectomy, on Wednesday.  Everything went well, I’m healing nicely.  I want to send out huge thank you’s to all who offered prayers, good thoughts and healing vibes.  I firmly believe you all helped me get through something that was, if not very dangerous, very stressful, and I am grateful to each of you.  In the grand scheme of things, this wasn’t earth-shatteringly important, but it did cause me some worry and anxiety, and it was a good lesson in how to cope.

I’m basically a healthy person, and surgery was last on my list of desirable options.  Even though I work in healthcare, and understand intellectually that these procedures are safe and routine, the thought of surrendering myself to nurses and doctors I didn’t know freaked me right the f*** out was unsettling.  I’m a Type A, something of a control freak and letting someone I barely know cut me open, while someone else I don’t know at all keeps me asleep and alive was not emotionally easy to accept.  I spent most of the last month or so fretting.  Yeah, it wasn’t very helpful.  My mind knew that I’d be fine, I had no huge risk factors, but my emotions and fear-driven lizard brain were all screaming “You’re gonna DIE!”  Sometimes calming the internal lizard can be like trying to put out a volcano with a teacup a little challenging.

You’re all familiar with phrases like ‘give it up to God’ or ‘let it go’ or even ‘you create your own reality’ right?  There are any number of self-help books, gurus and websites who tell us that the universe will give us what we want, we only have to ask.  Have you ever read someone’s glowing report of how ‘the universe provided this’ or ‘I prayed and got my answer.’  But, how do we ask?

I had worked myself into a bit of a state.  “What if they find something really wrong down there, something they’re not expecting?  What if something goes wrong during the anesthesia?  What if I have a stroke, or a heart attack?  What if I die on the table?”  Seriously, I thought every one of those things and more.  I was worried about bad things happening during the surgery, and after; wound infections, internal bleeding, you know, sometimes having too much medical knowledge is too much.  I was so nervous I would cry when no one was around, I worried, I even thought about cancelling my surgery.  I stopped meditating, and that only made things worse.  I reached a point where I just wanted everything to stop, I needed to make the right decision, but I just didn’t know what that decision was anymore.  To cut or not to cut?  Surgery would help, would likely cure what I had going on, but there was no guarantee it would fix everything.

And then, one day when I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw a couple inspirational pictures.  The gist of the messages were ‘you create your own existence.’  Something clicked within me.  “Huh,” I thought, “if ever I needed to be able to create my existence, it’s right now.”  Then, I heard my spirit guide.  “You can do this.”  She told me.

“Do what?  Create my existence?  That would be awesome, because I’m sure not liking how I feel lately.”  I answered.

“Then, change it.”  She said.  “Here’s how.”  She showed me; it was beautifully simply and incredibly hard; she summed up in one word, Trust.

What is it you truly desire?  What reality would you create if you could?

I needed a perfect surgery and recovery, I needed for everything to go smoothly and easily, but I was expending far more time and energy worrying about, and visualizing everything that could go wrong, and being afraid.

The universe (or God, or whatever label you prefer) listens to us every moment of every day.  This one point is key:  The universe is always listening to you.  Always.  Now think about the day-to-day chatter that runs through your brain; what phrases do you tell yourself over and over?  What does the universe hear you saying about yourself?

What was I asking the universe for?  What was I telling it I wanted?  Fear, pain, anxiety.  I started asking for it months before my surgery, and it gave me exactly what I was asking for:  more fear, more worries, more stress.  Again, not very helpful.  As my spirit guide said, I had to change it.  It would take a conscious effort of will.

I took some time to rearrange my thoughts and tell the universe how I really wanted my surgery to go.  I pulled out everything I had in my spiritual bag of tricks and put it into play.  I smudged, I meditated, I spoke with my spirit guides and I poured Reiki over the whole process.  The message I got back from my spirit guides was:  “This will show you that ‘it’ really works, you really do create your reality.  You can do this, but you have to Trust.  Trust that this will really work, Trust that you can make this happen.  You have to let go of all that fear and anxiety, and replace it with love and trust.”

When asking the universe for something, it helps to keep it short and simple.  I adopted “Uncomplicated surgery and recovery” as my intention.  I said it out loud, I visualized it in meditation, and I offered Reiki to it, frequently.  If I found my thoughts creeping back to the negative, I brought them back into line by restating my intention.  Even if you’re not a Reiki practitioner, you can meditate on and visualize the outcome that you want, the energy will get where it needs to go.  When stating your intention, always keep it in the present, in the now.  Instead of using “I will xxx” or “When…” phrase your request to the universe as if it already exists.  In my meditations, I always say,  “I am a best-selling author” never “I will be a best-selling author.”

Here’s the trickiest part:  You have to let go of the outcome.  Yes, you’ve spent all that time visualizing and asking and meditating, it seems counter-intuitive to then just ‘let go.’  We want what we want, or we wouldn’t expend the effort to try and bring it about.  But if you get attached to the outcome, you start to attach definitions and restrictions.  The more defined and detailed your outcome is, the more desire and want you attach to it, the less likely it is to manifest.

Think of it this way:  I needed my uterus removed, but it would have been really stupid for me to try to tell the surgeon where to make the incisions, or how to operate.  Even though I have a nursing degree, and a fair amount of medical knowledge, how helpful would it have been if I’d insisted the anesthesiologist only use one drug, or that he could only start an IV in that vein, never this other one?  When you ask the universe for something, then try and tell it how to give it to you, it’s like trying to tell a surgeon how to operate on you.  It just doesn’t work.  You ask, then get out of the way and let the universe do it’s job; don’t try and micromanage!

I did everything I could on my end to ensure that surgery would go well; I started making better choices about my eating and exercise habits.  I rejoined the gym, and was pleasantly surprised to find that, although I’d added quite a few extra pounds, I could still do a good 45-50 minutes of cardio.  In the process, I lost 6 pounds!  Yeah!  If I worried, I repeated my intention, and I consciously made the time to offer Reiki daily.  In the end, though, I just had to Trust, I had to let go of my control and allow the surgical team to do it’s job to bring about my ideal outcome.  My stress level dropped amazingly, and I felt calmer, clearer and started to look forward to ‘the big day’ and how good everything would turn out.

Day of the surgery, and I feel the stress creep back in.  It’s harder to find my calm, and I’m a little snippy with the admit nurse.  I take a few moments to center, and I apologize.  She was gracious and compassionate; blessings on her!  I have a few quiet moments, so I ask my spirit guides to be near and they tell me “We’ve been here all along.”  Their loving presence is comforting, and I relax.  I smile and joke with the nurses and doctors.  My surgery was robot-assisted, and no one got my jokes about being operated on by Toasters.  How could it be there was not one Battlestar Galactica fan on my surgical team?  Tragic.  Hub rolled his eyes at me.  “Give it up, hon,” He advised.

Not the robot that operated on me.

Then, it was time.  The drugs started to flow and out I went.  My last thoughts were “I trust that everything will work out for the best, and I accept whatever happens.”  I woke up in recovery, I had wonderful care from excellent nurses, and I was home by 8:30 Wednesday night.  As I fell asleep that night, safe in my own bed, my guides said, “Now do you believe us?”

It really does work.  Try it for yourself!  You’ll probably be surprised.  Remember:  Simple is best, and don’t try and imagine what the process looks like.  Imagine the finished product and let the universe work out the details.

Reality check?  I realize that everything likely would have gone off just fine, even without all my spiritual practices.  I AM healthy, but my mental state…oh my!  If nothing else, my meditating gave me calm acceptance, and it certainly lowered my stress, which decreases the hormones associated with stress, which reduces tissue damage and inflammation.  Lots and lots of scientific evidence supporting this, as well as personal experience that demonstrates attitude is key to recovery.

Do you want to know the weirdest part of this whole experience?  The pregnancy test.  Even after I told them my husband was ‘fixed’ years ago, and asked, were they aware the surgery was to remove the baby incubator?  Yes, go pee in this cup so we can make sure you’re not pregnant, or we’ll cancel your surgery.  I guess the universe has a sense of humor too.

What have you asked the universe for?  What kind of answer did you get?

 

Meditation and stress reduction

More research on benefits of meditation

Spirits Are Everywhere

Really

There are spirits all around you.  Your own Guides, your loved ones who have already passed (human and animal by the way) want to be near you and look in on you.  My first dog, a big, shaggy black beast is always near me; he has quite clearly told me he would very much like to come back soon and live with me again.

The city of I live in has a rich history, and many old buildings with layers and layers of stories in their walls.  It is not hard to find a wandering spirit on any given occasion.  It’s been my experience that if they know I can see them, a few common reactions occur.

The Scary Dance

They try to scare me.  If the being is carrying a lot of heavy energy and emotions, the only way he or she knows how to communicate is through anger, hate and fear.  Also, they can often get a reaction out of the living by sending out such heavy vibrations.  If they have enough energy, they may manifest:  a form, moving an object, sounds.  Spirits are sometimes a little like dogs or small children; any attention, even if it’s negative, is reinforcing to them.  It makes sense too.  Heck, if I could see and hear everything that was going on around me, but everyone ignored, or walked through me, I’d probably get annoyed and start throwing things too.

The “How I Died” Movie

Especially if the death was traumatic, they want to tell me about it.  Make that show me.  I’ve been shown being drowned, stabbed, shot, suicide, and being surrounded by family members saying goodbye.

Afterlife Message Service

“Tell my family…”  As much as I would love to pass on every ‘I love you, I miss you, I’m okay’ the reality is often the family isn’t even present on the earth anymore to give a message to.

For those who have passed over, and even for those who haven’t the message is the same:  They’re okay.  They still exist, their personality survives even though the body may be long gone.  And they love you.

Time To Go Home

What I can do for spirits is offer to help them cross the Veil.

There’s lots and lots of ways to conceptualize this, ‘going into the light,’ ‘crossing over,’ etc.  Basically it’s when a spirit that is bound to the earth releases that binding and steps into the next realm, the true home of our spirit.

Spirits that are stuck here on Earth cannot move on for any number of reasons, traumatic death, unfinished business, an inability to let go of life, the list goes on and on and on.  It includes the ties of loved ones among the living who refuse to release the one who has passed on.

Not all of them want to go.  Some are fully aware that they’re dead, that home waits on the other side, but they want to stay attached for a time.

Crossing the Veil releases that binding; it is always by the being’s own free choice.  I don’t ‘make’ a spirit cross; I only point the way, although sometimes that process of pointing and explaining can get quite involved.  My Guides assist; they help by calling in the earthbound spirit’s own Guides and loved ones who show the bound spirit the way home.

Some of the most wonderful crossings I’ve ever seen are those of the darkest entities I’ve encountered.  These beings are filled with pain, fear and hopelessness and frequently project quite intense feelings of hate or anger.  When they cross the Veil, they release all of that heaviness and become once again their true, light selves.  It’s almost like an explosion of love and joy; the whole energy of the room changes, going from dark, prickly and uncomfortable to almost unbearably beautiful.

All photos are taken by and under copyright to ME!  Please ask permission before use.  Thank you!

Everyday Ghosts

A shade was hanging out in the corner of the elevator, looming and angry.  It was a short ride up from the parking garage and before I could get a good look, the doors opened on my floor.  A couple waited for me to exit, so I bid the hovering spirit so long.  I knew I’d see that ghost again; he was filled with pain and longing.

His name was Steve.  I saw him several times in an underground parking structure and the elevator.  He was always dripping wet, cold and shivering; sodden hair that looked black streamed down his thin, narrow face that held equally dark and suspicious eyes.  It took me a little while to get to know Steve.  He didn’t entirely comprehend that I was actually talking to him and that I could see him.  He’d been ignored or run from for some time and his thoughts were angry, frustrated and mistrustful.

When he did talk it was with a sullen, depressed air; he’d tell me he drowned in the nearby canal which didn’t make a whole lot of sense.  No one swims in it; it’s kind of a nasty place with lots of big ships passing through.  This spirit was reluctant to talk about the cause of his own demise because whenever I’d try to get longer conversations going his energy would get prickly and irritating, right before he disappeared.  Then one day I saw him standing in a dark corner across from my truck.

“Hey there.”  I said, cautiously.  He hadn’t yet told me his name.  He grabbed anxiously at his left elbow, a reflexive tic and glanced furtively side-to-side.

“Hi.”  It no longer held a sullen tone, but was still cautious.  “You really can see me.  No one else can.  It’s weird.”

I shrugged.

“It’s sort of what I do.”  I said.

“I can tell some people know I’m around, but it scares them, and they don’t ever look at me or talk to me.  Sometimes they jump.”  That brought on a tiny, spiteful smile.

“That must be pretty frustrating, all these people around and no one wants to be near you.”  He just nodded, now looking hurt.

I am pretty straightforward with the dead, because there’s just no way to soft-pedal it.

“Look, you do know you’re dead, right?”

His dark eyes locked on mine, and I could tell he wanted to deny it, but it would only be a half-hearted lie.

“Yeah, I drowned.”  Instead of trying to get out of him what he was doing in the canal, I just nodded.

“Okay, but are you getting tired of hanging out in this parking garage?”

“I can’t leave.”  He said it with definite finality.  “I’m stuck here.”

I laughed.  “No, you’re not stuck at all.  You just think you are.  Would you like to get unstuck?”  He frowned at me, disbelief once more crawling across his features.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, do you want to go home, get out of here and go join your loved ones?”

“You mean like, Heaven?”

“Sure, if you like.”

“I can’t, I don’t deserve that and I’m afraid if I leave this garage of where I’ll end up.  This kind of sucks, but it beats frying for eternity.”

At this point, he was still across the driveway from me.  I took a moment to consult with my spirit guides and call them in for assistance.  I felt their loving presence surround me and support me.  I then invited the spirit to come closer, to join me in the car.

“It’ll make it easier to talk and I have to get on the road before traffic hits.  You can ride along with me, and decide if you want to cross the veil or not.”

He blinked once or twice and blinked out.  I felt the familiar astral wind of a passing spirit and then a ghost was seated next to me in my car.  This close I could see the drops of water beaded on his face.

“Do you want to tell me your name yet?”

“Why aren’t you afraid of me?”  He was almost indignant.  “If a ghost had talked to me, or jumped into my car I’d’ve freaked the shit out.”

I started the ignition and turned to face him.

“Because you’re not the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.  You just look lost and lonely and like you could use someone to talk to, so I’m offering to talk, but I’m driving out now.  You can come along or not, it’s your choice.”

His head cocked but his attitude changed.  He didn’t smile, but his energy lightened and he warmed up to me.  I drove out of the garage and he looked around.

“Wow!”  Yeah, he really said that.  “I forgot what the sun looked like.”  He was quiet for a few seconds, watching the play of sunlight on clouds and water passing beyond the window of the car.

“Steve.  My name is Steve.”  We were pulling around the corner and up onto the riser of the bridge crossing the canal. It’s quite tall and famous for it’s suicides.  An image formed in my head, of climbing the rail, looking down and the sickly sensation of plummeting.  A few moments later, Steve confirmed he was one of its many victims.

“Never thought I’d see this view again.”  He said it conversationally, almost lightly but I could hear the strain in his voice.

“You jumped?”  It wasn’t exactly a question.

“You know, I really thought the impact would have killed me.  It’s so high!  I was so high.  It kinda sucked, the drowning part.  I hadn’t thought about that.”

“Why’d you do it?  What was so horrible in your life that you thought ending it would solve it?”

Now he turned angry eyes on me again.

“I was a bad person, okay!  I stole from people, I did drugs, and I hurt people.  I hurt my family.”  The last was a mutter and he went quiet, jaw set.  Steve never did tell me why, but that’s his prerogative.

Talking with a ghost isn’t like a having a conversation with your BFF.  They don’t always use words.  Instead they will often project an image, a sensory feeling or an emotion.  He didn’t so much tell me what he’d done as show me.  He was right; he really wasn’t a very nice guy in life.  However, escaping the body means escaping the worries and hang ups of mortal life.  Trouble is, some people don’t let go after they die and that can keep them earthbound.

He rode silently for the rest of the drive, fading in and out, but by the time I got home he was still around, perched on the passenger seat.  Steve followed me into the house, looking around, amazed to be out of the underground garage.

“How’d you get me out of there?”

“You got yourself out.  I just reminded you that you could.”

I went into my meditation space and looked at Steve.  He was prowling around the room, looking out the windows and peering at my knickknacks.  He didn’t seem to notice my spirit guides standing near me at first.  With one exception, my animal spirit guardian, a large black dog who paced to always position himself between Steve and myself.

“I don’t think your dog likes me much.”  He was back to semi-hostile.

“He’s just doing his job and he is kind of protective.  He won’t hurt you though as long as you’re not trying to hurt me or mine.”  I projected trust and confidence with my next words.  “I’m sure you’re not thinking anything of the sort, right?”

Steve relaxed fractionally and became curious.

“What am I doing here, anyway?”

I lifted my hands in a shrug.

“Whatever you want to do.  It’s your choice.  You can wander around this neighborhood, you can go back to the garage or you can go home by crossing the veil.”

I asked my guides to bring the veil in close and to call in Steve’s loved ones, family that had already passed, spirit guides and guardian angels, to come and assist him across and home.

He didn’t want to go.  He saw it and the angels there to help him and kind of freaked.  Still fearful of wrathful deities because he’d done bad things in life, he backed away from crossing.

I asked my guides to pull the veil back and calmed Steve down.

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention to frighten you.”  I told him.  ”Relax; you’re perfectly safe here.  Nothing’s going to harm you, I promise.”  I did my best to project soothing thoughts but Steve was not listening.

Frightened, he disappeared but was back the next day.

“What’s ‘crossing the veil’ and did I really see an angel?”

We had a little chat about what he had seen; that he didn’t have anything to fear and that his loved ones truly were waiting for him on the other side.  No punishment, no judgment, just welcome home.  It took him several days, but eventually he chose to go and join those waiting for him.  He passed through the veil, waving to me and wearing a smile bright as the sun.  A day or two later he came back to say thank you.